Tuesday, October 7, 2014

The Fickle Fail

So far I have failed to keep up with my blog since moving, or since - well since a while. I am going to once again attempt to remedy that. I am constantly wanting to jot thoughts down and never take the time to do it. Instead I suck up spare time with Netflix, Facebook and Farm Heroes. I am going to try to exchange some of that time. Life is short. There are so many people I would like to keep up with and I am terrible at touching base with those people. So this is a way I can at least share my life with those I love.

Having recently begun my own business in household assistance, I have been getting to know new clients. My Mondays are spent with Sarah, who is a young 20 something with three little ones, one of which is only a handful of months old. She is very sweet and just one of those people who exudes calm, positive energy. I enjoy being in her house. Its very warm, sunny, fragrant and quiet. Like most moms of multiple little ones, she is behind on lots of things at home. Laundry, dishes, regular cleaning, so its good that I can help her and she is very grateful, an added perk of the job. Its nice to swoop in and save someone from the encroaching disaster. It fulfills my own chivalrous senses; plus, what I would have given to have someone swoop in and save from the avalanche that my household has been at times! I know what a blessing it is.  Sometimes I get to amuse her little infant daughter, who is just the cutest little patoot.
Today Xana went with me because school has been really causing her a lot of anxiety, which I do not know what to do about currently. It really just wrecks my day when she has a panic attack in the morning over attending the homeschool enrichment course. Lately it has been almost every time and I am now considering removing her, which kind of throws a wrench in my plans for this year and next, when I had planned to retire from homeschooling. Forunately, I am flexible. I haven't committed myself to too many things and have had success at creating my own flexible work schedule that is subject to my own terms.
I have determined that this has just been too many changes for her in a short amount of time. Moving. An entire new atmosphere at home. A new schedule. The loss of her friend network and the loss of the little 'village' we had going. Then there is puberty, which is coming at her like Miley Cyrus' wrecking ball. Periods. Shaving. Boys. To add to all that a new, more rigorous school experience which has turned out to be nothing like what she imagined. I had thought she would thrive amidst a school environment and as all parents are at times, I was totally off on that. While she adored the idea of lockers and class presidential elections and sports, she has been crushed by the reality of hard teachers and being half a foot shorter than her peers who treat her like a little kid, having come from a homeschool group where she was like the mother hen to a host of girls younger than her. Its all been so hard, I totally get it. I clearly remember the strains of school, though I had no choice or flexibility. I simply had to go. She has not grown up with that idea. And so quick she is to say "I don't have to do this" that it has caused a conflict within me to push her to muscle through. And of course, the more I push, the more the panic rises. *sigh*

On that note...

To sum up my world for the day, I hit home and made my weekly appointed phone call with one of my besties then proceeded to fall into a short binge of Walking Dead. I am not generally a fan of zombies or or dystopian tales, but I am so invested with these characters I simply have to keep watching to find out what happens. Also, the show just has this sort of haunted lens into this whole zombie apocalypse. The characters themselves seem haunted and are so broken that they change from one scene to the next. Will they be tough or will they show mercy. What is it that they have in them this day? We think we  know what we would do in that situation, we think we know ourselves, but really, we have no idea what that sort of trauma will do to us! That is what keeps me watching. Which character traits end up panning out on the show? Which are weaknesses? I have also played the video game, which really expounds on that idea. When pressed, what would we do? The game changes based on your reactions and your decisions. I once clicked the wrong thing and there was no going back. I had a moment of devastation, as it wasn't something I would have done, but then I thought, life is like that. Many times we make choices that we look back on and think 'why did I do that? That's so unlike me'.
I think that ultimately the show finds success not because of zombies but because it wrestles with the fear of an unimaginable situation and the suspense of life-or-death decisions. That is why the show is popular and that is what I always tell skeptics who haven't ventured to watch it.

Before bed, Xana and I watched Once Upon a Time together, which she loves and I find a bit cheesy, but I keep watching because of Killian Jones, aka Captain Hook. You know me. Always a sucker for a dark, handsome, underdog hero.
We then read three chapters of the Wizard of Oz together; the original version, which I have not read til now. I have thus far been surprised by the differences in the classic film. Thus far, it turns out, there are more parallels between the original Wizard of Oz book and Gregory Maguire's Wicked book series.

Well, at this hour I guess I'm up for the day. Woohoo for earlier than expected mornings due to insomnia!
Going to throw some no-knead bread out to go with my slow-cooker lentil soup and get this day started.
Love to all.


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